Okay, so you are sitting down and getting ready to write your wedding vows… now… where to start? Writing your wedding vows or even just the letter to your love on your wedding day for them to read before you walk down the aisle can be overwhelming. I wanted to come up with some tips that weren’t classic tips you can find anywhere on the internet. I talked to several married couples to get their thoughts on this topic. I wanted to give real world advice so you can enjoy your wedding ceremony and feel like you said what you really feel in your vows!

cuff links on wedding letter

1. Determine your definition of love and marriage
This is the first step, the foundation for your vows, and the foundation for your relationship. How do you want your relationship to look? What do you value most in your relationship? How would you describe love? These are some great questions to ask yourself to help you get started. I would also suggest figuring out your “love language”, you can take the quiz here: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/couples/. This has made a big difference in my relationship and if you know this when writing your vows you can make promises based off of that.

couple sitting on couch bride and groom reading vowsbride and groom together before wedding ceremony

“I officiate weddings. I’ve had couples vow to stay together through Eagles wins & losses & another vowed to watch Judge Judy & Judy Garland movies for the rest of their lives. Whatever you write, make it about the two of you”- Valerie, Wedding Officiant

bride and groom reading letters to each other bride and groom together before ceremony

2. Decide, with your fiancé, on the theme you want
This can be helpful if you want to be on the same page with your vows. You don’t want one of your vows to be really long and the other super short. Imagine if your husband cracks a bunch of jokes but you keep it very sentimental. You don’t want your vows to feel like a competition so having a simple discussion of the general theme can help. You don’t have to pin point an exact word count or anything, but just a general feel for how you want it to flow.

bride and groom reading letters to each other before their ceremony

“I officiate weddings. I’ve had couples vow to stay together through Eagles wins & losses & another vowed to watch Judge Judy & Judy Garland movies for the rest of their lives. Whatever you write, make it about the two of you”- Valerie, Wedding Officiant

couple at the alter saying their vows

“That they were serious but little hints of us which are funny and that no one else could hear them”- Cassie, Cassie kept her vows quiet during their ceremony so that it was more just between her and her wife!

3. Think about the story of your relationship
Think back to the beginning of your relationship, how did you meet, what was your first date like, how did the proposal go? I am sure a lot of people have asked you about your story along the way through your relationship, so you should have this story nailed down! Then, think about the future of your relationship. Where do you see your future with your loved one? What do you promise to do in the future to make that happen? Really think hard and go with your first thoughts and follow your heart!

emotional bride reading the letter from the groom on her wedding day

“I think it’s always nice to have a past, present, future. One of your favorite memories from the past in your relationship, your feelings/thoughts on your wedding day in the moment, and one hope for the future as a couple”- Amanda Perras

groom reading a letter from his bride card to husband on wedding day with wedding rings and gift

4. Keep it simple and speak from the heart
Keep it simple! If you get a spark of inspiration, write it down! Sometimes I will watch a tv show and get emotional at a romantic moment, I try to write down a quote from that or even just why it touched me so much. Think back to those moments in tv shows, and moment in your relationship and pull little snippets from them. Along with keeping it simple, don’t make your vows too long. Save the details for your letter to your love and then have your vows be the promises and summary of your relationship. Don’t be afraid to get emotional on the wedding day! If your heart tells you to say something in your wedding vows, go for it! I have read in different articles to rehearse with your fiancé before the wedding day if you think you will be too emotional, but I don’t agree with that! I say save it for the wedding day, let the tears fall, laughter ensue, and embrace that moment!

“Just speak from the heart. Don’t overthink them and rehearse to make sure they’re not too long or short when you say them out loud. Tell him why you love him, what you promise for your future, and I threw a few jokes in there”- Noel

“I also officiate weddings. I often have couples where 1 will REALLY want to write the vows, and another will be like “What??? I can’t do this!” What I often tell them is to just say what they love most about their partner, and what they want for them in the future. Always works!”- Becky, wedding officiant

bride holding card with a heart on it

“I love that both of us unintentionally wrote ours the morning of the wedding! Don’t overthink it and don’t over rehearse.”- Jennifer
“My vows were way too long. So I say keep it short and sweet with a few points!”- Amanda

5. Find some fancy stationary for your vows or letter
Your vows or letter to your love will be in a lot of photos, so you want them to look their best! You can put it in a card, write it on fancy paper, or print it on pretty printer paper. When you are getting ready you letter or vows will be a great detail to be photographed. I always love to incorporate the letter or vows along with jewelry, cuff links, or even other stationary from the wedding day.

I hope these tips help you to navigate your way through writing your vows! It was great to hear from lots of couples and get their advice on writing vows. Everyone does something different, so as long as it feels right to you thats all that matters! The most important thing is that you are committing to your lifelong marriage with the love of your life, what ever you decide to promise is up to you. If you feel like you forget something, don’t worry, you can add on promises every day of your marriage!

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